the pattern that explains the chaos
The cycle of abuse
Four phases that often repeat: tension building → incident → reconciliation → calm. Recognising the cycle is often the first step toward clarity.
The four phases
- ·Tension building — walking on eggshells, sensing something is coming.
- ·Incident — verbal, emotional, financial, or physical harm.
- ·Reconciliation — apologies, promises, gifts, the "old self" returns.
- ·Calm — the honeymoon. You think it's finally over. Then tension begins again.
Why the calm phase keeps people in
Survivors often describe the calm phase as the cruellest part — it's what makes you keep hoping. The cycle is not random; it is the relationship's structure. Identifying which phase you're in right now is itself an act of clarity.
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https://sistersignal.org/resources/cycle-of-abuse